Someone sent me a link to an interesting article about how porn and the proliferation of the same has more or less made men desensitized to real women.  The article was written from a womans point of view and tried to psychoanalyze the reasons of such and make the connection to graphical images of sex (porn) being far too available.

Those of you who know me, know that I'm going to be the first to jump up and dispute such a finding.

My opinion on the issue is quit different of course.  I see it more as consumer mentality and much less of a ojectified fixation as the author of the other article would like to paint a picture of.

In my opinion the proliferation of porn has done something that is wholly different.  It's made us much more aware of what else is out there.  For the most part the attraction to porn isn't the striking beauty of the performers, but the specific acts in which they are engaging.  In fact very little attention is usually spent on the fine details of their looks.  It's this availability of knowing what else is out there that causes a lot of men to not seek a deeper relationship with most women.  It's not that their ugly, or as the other author put it " not porn worthy " , but rather it's that their just not 'likely' to be into some of the things that younger men desire.  It's just like a consumer who want to shop for a new TV.  If all he knows is the local TV store, and his whole world of TV is limited to what that store sells, then he'll settle for what's available in that single store.  Just a few models to choose from.  Then one day a Wallmart opens up in town and now he sees that instead of 4 different TV's there are at least 50, and from what he can see he knows there are even more out there.  Giving this situation the buyer is no longer satisfied with just anything the salesman is pushing, he now has choices and desires, and can now seek some education is all that is TV.  Does this make him an ****?  Is he now seeing all TV's as simple objects?  It he simply unwilling to select a TV because of too much exposure to other TV's?  The answer is no.  The root of the issue is now he knows of the larger world out there and will make the salesman work for his sale.

This is entirely my argument against those who would say that allowing porn to exist or be readily available causes men to disconnect from real women.  The real issue here is that in todays free society (ie. The United States) women are no longer being chases like they used to, now they have to work a little for the man that they want.  Those that make it known that their mutual likes and desires are shared will have first pick at a mate.  Does this make those women sluts?  Again the answer is no.  It's makes them a better salesman.  Are these women NOT real women ?  Of course they're real women.  The problem is that they present a real threat to much more conservatitve women.

As an example if I met a woman who was a member of Oprah's book club I wouldn't ask her out to dinner.  Why?  Is it that I can't seek a connection with real women?  Again the answer is no.  The issue here is that I'm sure enough that demographic isn't into what I'm into sexually.... at least sure enough not to waste my time finding out.  Since (as a man) I want to have sex on a regular basis this doesn't get me anywhere.  Thus the waste of time point of view.  This is an extreme example but it really drives home the point.

Real women today are the same as they were 20 or 30 years ago.  The same cross sections of straight, bi, gay, etc... those that love anal, and those the would never give head.  They all still exist in about the same numbers.  Why does it seem that more women are into more things these days, or that a man can get a woman who's into whatever he is, much more than before?  The answer is that the available information is much easier to get.  In days past those girls were viewed as sluts for wearing cloths that showed off their bodies, or if they slept with you after only 2 dates, etc...  Well now that most everyone can see that this type of thing happens everywhere it's not such a shocker, and it's much harder to simply discount away those to do it.

With the sheer volume of free Internet porn, especially the amateur porn you get a good idea real quick that 1000's of girls in your local area are into the same things you are sexually.  You can tell simply because their showing you their willing to do it.  What does this mean for the more conservative girls out there ?  It's means some really good things I would think.  It means that you're much more likely to meet someone who really likes you for you, and not because they think they can get you to do things down the road that you wont.  

This also means one very major departure from the years old tradition of playing the total guessing game in dating.  Years ago a man would have to simply roll the dice and spend lots of time and effort to date a girl.  If things did end up in a sexual encounter then the man would still be rolling the dice to a degree.  That is unless his desires were very basic to start with.  Some men are ok with that.  Count me (and most other men) out of that sad group.

The author of the other article did hit one thing directly on point.  Long gone are the days where the figure & form of the female body were some sort of mystery or some sort of prize to discover.  When girls covered up most of their bodies and in some cases faces just to keep that mystery alive.  Keeping it secret until the one they choose was lucky enough to experience it.  Well I have some sobering news for women who cling on to that concept.  It's LONG GONE.  In modern America you're very likely to be the outcast and the one who has to try much harder.  It's a complete role reversal.

I used to have a saying that sex for a man is work, and sex for a woman is just a choice.  This meaning that a guy has to really try hard to sleep with a girl, but the girl can have sex by just letting it be known she's willing.  This is still true for some with less than skillful social skills, but more and more every day that gap lessens.  

The saying I use now is perfect for this article..... " you would be real surprised at what you can get, if only you would ask ".  This means that you need to speak up and lay it out for a potential mate.  Let them know right up front what you like, expect, desire, would be happy with, etc....  Then everyone has my next favorite phrase... " realistic expectations"

Is porn to blame?  Maybe Wallmart and superstores that program us to have a million choices are to blame....  who knows?  The reality is that once you know there is something else out there, it's just a matter of how willing you are to go after it.  After all it is a ' free market' world we all live in :)

In any event porn isn't ruining the modern relationship, it's the views of the conservative movement that's doing it to themselves.

I'll leave you with my daily motto.... " treat the problems, NOT the symptoms"  Solve the issues, not butter up just to make it more livable.

I welcome any thoughts on this......

Peace !