It always intrigues me how a voice from the past can really make you think about things that you've tucked away for so very long.  Like a old friend you haven't spoken with in many years contacting you.

Recently I was contacted by an old friend I went to high school with.  In fact she was an girlfriend for a short time.  The strange thing is that it's been more years since I've talked to her than she was old when I knew her, but the memories came right back as if it were yesterday.  Not just the romantic ones, but the whole time period and the time we shared.  Since it was such an awkward time in my life, being young and just starting to learn all about life,  it really was nice to hear from her.  In this specific case she had a twin sister that I also was infatuated with for a short time.  Even though they were twins I could always tell them apart and they were without a doubt two totally different people.

The memories that it brought back were rather interesting.  For those of you who know me pretty well you would be almost shocked to have known me back then.  I was dirt poor, by family was just making it by, and by no means was anything in my life fancy.  I worked crap jobs just to have a car and gas money.  Going out to even a modest dinner with my girlfriend was a serious budget decision.  It's really a time when I was at the bottom of my ' life game ' , however it was some of the happiest and most memorable moments in my life.  I think this is true of most people, you just don't think about it.

An interesting parallel fact is that even separated by half a country ( her family moved away ) our lives seemed to progress in the same basic path for things like Marriage, kids, keeping some friends, having young struggles, etc…  

So the question is… are we predisposed to all do the same basic things?  Do we really have that much of a choice in what we do after we become adults?  After you have the primary responsibility of providing your own roof, food, cloths, etc things seem to all go the same direction.  I'm blessed with my success and have lots of options these days, however as little as 10 years ago my options were on a one way track to having a fairly simple and normal life.  On that note does success really equal happiness?  Money can't buy you love or actual happiness, but the lack of it can definitely bring your misery and hardship.  This is life, right?

In this specific case I remember the heartbreak of loosing her at the end of our short relationship, but the thing is … I have nothing but good memories when I reflect back on them now.  I found it hard to think of things that weren't positive, and even the things that I could remember that were negative were in the form of things that I was laughing at now.  Thus is life as you grow older.  The sifting of feelings and emotions distills down to pretty much just the good things.  I know this sounds odd indeed coming from me, the guy that enjoys the lifestyle that I do, and likes to party like no tomorrow…. At least from those of you how know me on that level.

So the next question is… just how much does your early dating experiences mold your future relationships?  In this case the empirical data would say that early dating experiences impact your future in a big way.  In my case I dated a lot in High School and found that in most relationships there was so much time spent on being jealous and making poor decisions based solely on who I was dating.  I see this everyday now even within our close friends that we party with.  One person can't go someplace because the other can't go with them, or if someone talks to their boyfriend in even the lightest of flirty ways they become very upset, and god forbid if either one of them exchange phone numbers with someone… even an old friend… it's a mini-war.  This is just silly at all levels.  At its core if your girlfriend or boyfriend is only such because you have to stand next to them 24/7 then you're relationship will end at some point no matter what you do.  If your relationship with your boyfriend or girlfriend is predicated on the notion that things only work as long as you are right next to them then you're fooling yourself.  Those never last because you end up spending so much time just ' keeping it together ' that in the end that's all you have.  In my life I'm blessed with a wonderful woman who not only makes me extremely happy, but also respects me and allows me to be me.  I use those words carefully because on any given night I might be much more playful than any of our friends relationships would ever be able to handle, but believe it or not it's ok.  This is because of realistic expectations set forth when we first started dating.  We had a very frank discussion about who we both were, what we wanted and why or why not those things could be had together.  The proof is in the pudding… we've been together for almost 5 years now.    Much more important than that there's no jealous monster hanging around everywhere we go.  I think this is what allows us to have just a great time no matter where we go.  Sure we have our arguments and in some cases one of us will cross a boundary, but since there are so few of them and the ones we have are so well defined it's not a common thing.  I think I can trace this all the way back to my dating days in high school.  I knew what I wanted, and went for it.  I ran into the same issues I wanted to avoid each time because I wasn't up front about things.  There were no reasonable expectations set from the start and discussed along the way.  There was just an overwhelming desire to be with a specific person at a specific time.  All those relationships were doomed from the start because after all, I was working this in reverse.  Trying to cross my fingers and see what happened, not just laying it out in the beginning.

This is just one small aspect of the growing up phase we all have to go through.  So many of our friends are still at what I feel is an immature relationship growth stage that it's a coin toss if any of them will be a couple in a year or two.  While the concept of a two or three year relationship is forever in most peoples immediate minds the reality is that it's not.  Don't misunderstand I'm not faulting any of my friends, I'm just commenting on what I see from the perspective of being a bit older and already have gone down those paths many times in my life.  I'm also using the experiences of my very long time friends as a sample as well.  I love my friends to death, and I wish them all the best in love and happiness.  The reality is that history had proven that a large percentage of them won't make it unless they address some of growth issues now, rather than later.

The last question in this rant is …. Can you be friends with an Ex –girlfriend ?  This is a piece of string question.  I believe that you most certainly can, given the right conditions.  For starters there needs to be a degree of time spent apart, not something hard since most breakups usually leave one side not really liking the other too much.  The next thing is that you've moved on to someone new or just moved on without reservation.  This is the tricky one.  This again usually requires a degree of time.  I'm not talking about a few weeks, but rather at least 6 months or more.  In my personal case I've re-connected with several old girlfriends from my past and become friends again with them.  Usually there have been years since the last time we even saw each other and in all cases life moved right on in the meantime.  Now they're just like new friends that you're already comfortable with and have something to talk about right from the start.  It's a very special feeling to be able to re-strike a friendship from so long ago, as if the time between was just a mere moment in grand scheme of things.

Comments anyone ?